Wisdom on Singleness & Dating

Can we get a summary of your love story?

My love story took a while. It didn’t happen right in the exact timing that I hoped or wanted it to. When I was 30, I met my husband at a conference and we talked. Long story short, a couple of years later we started getting to know each other better and he invited me to come visit him during the summer. We spent a few days in person and we decided “Okay, we’re gonna keep on getting to know each other”. We were dating long distance, so we would email and talk on the phone, and then he decided for Christmas he would come visit me. He met my family, and during that time we realized that we wanted to get married. On that trip he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him! Next we got engaged a couple of months later and got married that summer! It was about a year long process- we knew that we were right for each other.

What was one of the best things you learned as a single person?

I learned that singleness is also a gift, and that you can pursue your dreams and passions while you’re single and do a lot of adventurous things. I studied abroad when I was single. It helped me grow closer to God and during that time I grew my friendships as well. Also it was a time to reflect on making a good decision on who I decided to marry.

What were you looking for in a spouse?

I had someone share this with me (and I added to it), but it’s called the 5 Cs.

Character- It was important to me that the person have a very strong character. I preferred to observe that over some period of time, and to know that people close to that person would also attest to it.

Calling- for me it was important that our future goals and direction would go in a similar way, our passions and our heart.

Common Faith- my faith is the most important thing in my life. Obviously I needed to have that in common with the person that I married, because we are going to be encouraging each other in that and we are going to be pursuing that together.

Chemistry- That means that there’s more than just friendship there. It doesn’t mean this person needs to be the most good-looking person in the world, but you have that chemistry or romance with them.

Compatibility- that just means that you share enough in common that you have that fun element. You have things you can do together and you feel like you can be yourself.

So those were all the things I was looking for and praying for, but finding those things all in one person is a miracle!

Is it okay for a Christian to date a non-Christian?

I think the purpose of dating is to see if this person is someone you could marry. A lot of times when you date you emotionally invest in the person, so if a person wasn’t pursuing a relationship with Jesus, which was so important to me, then I would choose not to date that person. I wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time with that person hoping that might change, because it might not ever change. Another concern is the person might change their belief because they want to be with me, and not because it was truly genuine for them. I found it to be better to remain friends and if later that person decided on their own to follow Jesus, then it might be a good time to consider dating each other.



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